I prayed and debated a bit as to what would be the first "official" post coming out of the gate. The "first" post was technically an "About Me", so I don't count that one. Where to begin? One word came to mind. Patience. Patience for the stubborn defiance. The midnight poop smears and bed wettings. The slow progress of working with special needs (complete melt downs for reasons that make little sense). Patience with my wife. The lovable scatteredness that she faces within herself (ADD) and works hard to overcome. The inability to understand my reactions. Patience.
I love my wife and my kids deeply. I want to be the protector and promoter of this family. I want each to be enabled to accomplish their God-given purpose. As a man, my efforts must begin with patience, because my logical brain simply can't comprehend each perspective. I don't understand why, if my kids "sit too close", this causes an earth shattering problem in their minds. I can't yet fathom why the juice is left out on the counter, without intention of further use. But I will continue to try. Patience.
If you're attempting to raise an autistic child, then you already understand that it doesn't take more than fleeting moment to completely break the world in his mind. My son feels threatened if he is placed in a situation that he cannot control. This would include 99 percent of most learning experiences. While he is high-functioning, he cannot think dynamically. It makes no difference to him what reaction his speech or actions invoke, so long as he receives a predictable answer that suits his expectation. On the flip side, he is an amazing problem solver, with incredible endurance for an engaging task. As a dad, it's my job to help my son understand he is valuable and capable of great things. It's my job as man of the house to speak to the desires of his heart and encourage him to become something more. To teach my son how to communicate and think dynamically. For him to know beyond a doubt that he is loved and capable of giving love. For him to conquer the world in Jesus name. It will take great patience, with slow and steady steps.
If you're married to an ADD spouse, then it's already clear that organization doesn't come naturally. My wife struggles with managing the house and keeping up with all the responsibilities of caring for children. This is not at all because she is lazy, but because there is a strong tendency to become distracted or easily overwhelmed, with the need to find another lessor task. I give my wife great credit in that she understands the challenges, and knows that the day will bring endless demands of our kids, yet she rises every morning and begins again. She has an incredible ability to research and has found many sources of guidance for working with our kids. It's my job as a husband to work alongside her and speak love in a way that she will understand. Some days this is acts of service. Some days it's words of affirmation. Some days it's an extra cookie I managed to secure and save all day just for her. As a man, I gave her my word that I would cherish her, and as a man of honor, I will see that promise fulfilled. Even though the needs change, sometimes daily, it is patience that keeps things together, with the promise that my desire is for us to win.
It's not enough for the wife or mother of your children to exercise this patience. It has to come from us. The men. Because at the end of the day, children find their identity in us. Who else will show them how to stick with life, even when the finances aren't enough, life-threatening diseases surface, or jobs suddenly fold? Who else will show them how to believe that God knows what He's doing? Who else will help them understand the love of the Father, unless we have patience to communicate it? We are men. Fathers. Husbands. Heads of the house. We must have patience to begin. Our wives need to know we are with them and on the same team. Listening. Acting. Doing (not controlling) in moderation. Our wives need the assurance that a difficult path won't cause us to break. Won't cause us to withdraw love or seclude ourselves. Because the road IS long. But it IS winnable. Hang in there.
Struggling with patience? Pray, pray, pray. Remember, God blessed you with a family. He will not leave you incapable of fulfilling the role He gave you as the head of the family.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." Galatians 5:22-23a
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