Take a Break and Breathe

If you're like me, and you feel like you should be in constant motion with your kids to feel like a good dad, let's just to cut to the quick and call that what it is; perhaps the single best way to lose your mind. It's true, dads have a job of being involved, giving positive attention, guidance, and (yes, the big one) discipline, but don't let these fool you into thinking that every waking moment must be consumed in attending to children. I will not dispute the gravity of these jobs, that they are all necessary, and require boat loads of time. I will make the case, however, that in order to succeed in doing these jobs, dads need to breathe. 

What I'm after in this post is NOT to build an argument for men to leave their wives high and dry at any given moment. DON'T DO THAT. Rather, I'm suggesting a meaningful conversation about taking two to three hours at agreed, scheduled times that give dads the needed moments to destress and moms the predictability of how you will help and be in the moment when home. I would further venture to state that dads should be willing to provide moms with the same arrangement. In this way, married couples can combat the extreme challenges of raising children (especially special needs children) while holding on to a few moments of peace.

My wife and I have been using this approach for many months, and I can see the relief it has brought the both of us. 

Don't be afraid of taking a break. It doesn't make you weak. In fact, refusing to take a break WILL make you weak. Breathe. Rest. Recharge.

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." -Proverbs 17:22

I Love You Daddy

Love is hard thing. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking it's easy to understand, because to do so, you have conquer self-centeredness. That sounds simple on the surface, but it goes much deeper than hairline interactions.

"I love my wife. I love my kids." 

When I make these statements, it means that I value the well being of my family above myself. To look up "Love" in a dictionary (Ref dictionary.com - http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love?s=t) would show something like the following:

"noun

1.

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.

a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.    sexual passion or desire."

These are all awkwardly shallow definitions, because they do not get to the root of the meaning. It's more than "affection", because "affection" is limited by emotion. It's deeper than a "warm personal attachment", as personal attachments can be easily severed with new interests. It surpasses "sexual passion or desire", because sex is not always an expression of selflessness, nor applicable to all ages. 

So what is love? It is universal among babies, toddlers, preteens, teens, adults, and elders. It is GOOD. It is HARD. Do you want the best written definition ever given? You won't find it in a dictionary. Here it is:

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." -John 15:13

This is extremely difficult, especially when I try to apply this meaning to my special needs children, who seemingly go out of their way to make my life difficult. I greatly desire to know the love of my kids, but in the mind of my autistic son, love is not something he can say to me. I listen for it, but I know I will not hear the words "I love you, Daddy", because to him, this is only a statement that will not elicit a result he is looking for. He does not enjoy hugs. Being "confined" makes him over anxious. He does not understand me when I say, "I love you." Therefore, I must show him in my actions. Within the tone of my voice. In patience. Where words and physical touch fail, it comes from an unexpected place. Play time. Yes, you read correctly. It is in the positive play that my sensory-seeking, dairy intolerant, autistic boy begins to understand that I value him. He can understand that I am putting aside my goals for the moment, to communicate he is important. He can comprehend that I delight in him, because I accept his invitation to his world to become immersed and directly exposed to his joys, hurts, and dreams. There is love. Do I always enjoy it? I'll be honest; no. Some days it is downright exhausting and physically bruising (The cartilage in my nose has been broken and a tooth chipped because my son doesn't recognize when he causes pain). But it is in this world of his that he "tells" me, "I love you, Daddy". Don't get down on yourself if you feel discouraged. This is the true test of conquering self, and it's hard, hard, HARD! Remember special needs children want to love and be loved, just like any child. Having challenges in how their brains process information doesn't remove the visceral need to know love. To specifically know your love. Hang strong. Don't give up. God has a blessed future for your children. I'm proud of you and I believe you can make it!

  "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." -1 Corinthians 13:13